And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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