i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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