So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize