i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
