When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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