Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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