the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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