Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
