So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
