hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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