Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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