Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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