Your dad touched me again.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
