Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
