Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
