Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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