The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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