Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
