If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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