I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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