Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
