is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
