Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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