i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
