The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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