You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
