How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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