so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
