The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
