I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
