I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
