My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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