Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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