He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
