in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
