You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
