why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We just shotgunned beers for America
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
