Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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