This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
