Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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