hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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