how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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