Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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