I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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