apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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