day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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