Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
