who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Be still, my beating vagina.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
