I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
