It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
