We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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