I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
