It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
