I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
