I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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