I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
no, he came in my armpit
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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