everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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