Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
