We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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