You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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