guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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