can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
